Worst day ever? Looseing your crappy job at the hotdog hut because your boss tries eating you. I went into work today as usual. You know how you get into a routine? That was me. Leave the apartment at 8:15am. Shot gun in hand. Don’t shoot the dueche brothers. We want them to burn inside their skulls. Just a flesh wound to slow em down. 8:22, hit the street. There is something going on with the sick cause the infected are getting more aggressive and they are harder to put down. There is the usual 1or 2 ragers to cap. Today…half dozen easy. Make it to the corner by 8:30 or better. Give or take a zombie or two. Half way there. Grab my paper from the news stand. The guy running it is a zombie too but hasn’t gotten wise yet. Still stocks the stand and takes my money every day. Some of the sick are funny like that. So into the routine that they keep it going after the sickness sets in. Like clock work. Now for my coffee and bagel. I’m not really a coffee and bagel kind of guy but I have had a crush on the clerk since high school. The plan is the same everyday. Grande latte, French toast bagel and a date please. Everyday I choke. Never work up the nerve. Back out on the street with coffee, bagel and shot gun in hand. Paper stuffed in my back pocket. Not far now. There we are. The hot dog hut. Fend off a few more ragers to get in the door then head for the back. Soak in my pitty and self loathing. Why can’t I ask her out? Because she’s gorgeous that’s why. Because dating a duche bag rager may be a better option than dating a hot dog. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow. Today the routine was broke. As I was shedding the last piece of dignity I had for the day and put on the hot dog, I hear a noise. Not the normal noise. Different. And there it is…my boss the zombie. Just great, I guess this means the promotion is out of the question?
Worst Day Ever-Hot Dog
Worst day ever…Going to work dressed like a hotdog…No, scratch that. Going to work dressed like a hot dog during the zombie Apocalypse, now that is the worst day ever. It was bad enough dealing with those douche bags across the hall giving me a hard time cause I look like a “frigging dork”. Now I gotta deal with em tryin’ to eat me. Huh, ironic, that is exactly what I used to tell those muscle heads before the crap hit the fan.
Reality is, I most likely am writing this stuff down for my own sick pleasure. Chances are, this whole place will be zombie turds by the end of the year. Maybe someone will stroll along and need some good bathroom reading. It is strange to think that this all started a month ago and we may not even last the year. Six months and all of humanity could be wiped out.
In case you have been under a rock for the past 6 weeks, we are in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. That’s right, all those geeks and gamers where right. It really happened. On May 21st, the whole world laughed at another zealot saying the world was going to end. Looks like he got the apocalypse part right. Turned out that some psycho group of towel-heads got the idea to play with chemical warfare and wound up creating the worst bug in human history. Pop quiz, what happens when you mix unstoppable leprosy with a mutated strand of small pox? Answer, flesh eating monsters. Yeah, they didn’t figure that out until their buddies where chewing on their ear lobes.
The extremely high fever and dementia caused by the small pox gives you a Vegas style appetite and makes you think everyone is a giant church’s chicken. Remember the old saying “feed a fever”, well, imagine being dressed like a hotdog. That makes you the main course. The leprosy gives the victims this beautiful night of the living dead thing going on. The flesh eating virus gives the infected a serious case of the munchies for meat. Other than that, they are perfectly normal. I know what your thinking, their not undead. That is true. They are as alive as I am right now. Unfortunately, there is no cure for the zombie bug, so it is kill or be lunch. I figure the most humane thing I can do is put a bullet deep enough into their skulls to quiet the screaming. Eventually they will all die off from the virus if you can avoid them. that must be why some people aren’t freaking out so bad. I mean, Ron’s Hotdog Hut is still open for business.
I guess we cant put everything on hold for the newest epidemic. Plus it’s not all negative. Rush hour has gotten better due to fewer drivers. A few places are running “end of the world” specials. I was able to get a really nice scooter for a great price. There’s always looting the zombies houses for stuff. The infection hits the rich and poor the same, so there is always a chance you can get some really nice things.
